Thoughts x 1000...

posted on: Thursday, 24 March 2016

Hi. Long time no see. Been busy.

I should send that line as explanation to everyone I know, as at the moment I am a blur in everyone's rear view mirror. It's not been all bad - we went away for a few days to Miami, which was a hell of a long way to go for such a short time, but, well anyway, long story, it was a thing with my husband's work. We flew on my birthday, which was strange; nothing like being suspended over the Atlantic for nine hours on your 42nd birthday and feeling rather conflicted about leaving your kids at home. Yes, I did. Of course, they were fine.

On the flight a woman got so drunk that she fell over, virtually in to my lap, hit her head and had a nosebleed all over her beautiful white silk pussy bow blouse (who wears white silk on a flight? It's cotton all the way for me). It was one of those bizarre surreal moments when someones vulnerability is laid bare and I kinda wanted to look away but in the closed quarters of the fuselage that wasn't possible. Then, when we landed and checked into a hotel in South Beach, we went out with some of my husband's colleagues to a gay bar where transvestites performed. It was wild and memorable and funny and you know when you see someones vulnerability laid bare and there's no need to look away because they have grace (even though they're non-standard) and you get the feeling that they are all good? That. It was very cool way to spend my (jet-lagged) birthday. The rest of the time there we hunkered down on the beach like the sun-starved Brits we are and I marvelled again at the palm trees and the sand and the clear turquoise water. I told my long-suffering husband that I love Florida more than anywhere else.

Then home, then I had college for a few days. I have the book to finish and the weight of that eventuality is heavy right now. I am not working at a steady rate, there is so much else going on in my mind.

Times are tough with the teenage thing. I won't go into detail as honestly in the world of blogging, I think I am most definitely at a point where I have to respect my daughter's privacy. This is interesting to me as I apply this logic in the knowledge that she has a completely different perspective of privacy to my entire generation. Just last week I had to tell her to take something inappropriate down from Facebook. And it's not like I haven't given her that message before, I feel like I have been saying it ad nauseum since she was 12.

Anyway - this parenting gig, it's tricky. As I told my sister in law on Mothers Day (when I was the war-weary mother of a teen and she still has cute, blonde, cuddly little ones who go to bed at 7pm) that if this were a job, I'd be wanting to quit. I feel like I have written that before here - maybe in the last post - if so, I am sorry. See the title of this post - a gazillion thoughts, not enough time to process them.

It's the whirl of the end of term and my kids break up today. We are going skiing tomorrow.

On other less personal insights:

I follow, on recommendation from my daughter a variety of instagram feeds, for fullness and perspective - but these (here and here) are troubling me. It is no wonder young people have a completely warped view of life/relationships/body image if this is in their world. I am all for free speech and for expressing yourself but simply put: no one's life is like that. It's like perfection with a soft porn focus.

Can I just also say, whilst on this topic, that I spent about an hour in 'Victoria's Secret' the other day (pretending we were in an American mall but in fact it was dreary, grey Southampton!) and felt like the perfect images of the 'angels' on the wall were affecting my self esteem! WTF? These women are otherworldly. Impossibly perfect. I know I have had my time; hey, I am 42, but seriously, I would hate to work in that place. That way madness lies. Nice bras though. Never seen so many bras. And all with inch-thick bullet proof padding. Hmmm. Don't get me started on feminism today...

Do I sound grumpy?!

On a good note, my son faced his fears and went on a residential trip with his school that has been worrying him for six months. Lovely to pick him afterwards and my God I missed him.

My hair had gone inadvertently blonde. I am OK with this.

My daughter wrote an essay on modern marriage in Philosophy and got an 'A'. Discuss.

Watching the new series of 'Girls'. Wooaahh. It's pushing the boundaries.

My house is not yet finished, but getting there. One day it will all be done. Repeat.

I have been thinking about blogging and this place. I have been writing here for a long time and when I look back I see there are times I have written a lot and then less so. I always have it in my head as something I should do, and when I don't do it, I feel I have let you all down. But then I think back to how blogging used to be and how many people commented and read along and made friends and how now, there is so much less of that. I accept that fact and can see the trajectory of blogging alongside other media like instagram and pinterest which have taken the place of blogging. As time has gone on our attention span has diminished and so I wonder whether anyone actually reads blogs anymore? There is clearly a need to evolve and to play the game differently. I wonder whether I am too busy to play the game anymore? I figure I will pop up here when I can and if anyone is still left, I'll say 'hi'.

So 'hi!'.