I don't see why...

posted on: Wednesday, 28 November 2012

I don't see why I can't be exactly like I was when I was 20, just a wiser version (with more disposable income).

I don't see why people need to convince you of their point of view to feel that a conversation has been worthwhile.

I don't see why quirkiness is not a more admired characteristic.

I don't see why I used to be so slovenly when I did not own my own home (my teenage bedroom = bomb shell hit).

I don't see why I am quite so influenced by what I see. Visual input is by far the most important for me. Images and words.

I don't see why every morning when I wake, it is a surprise to me that the sleep time is over.

I don't see why my puppy/dog still chases every bird he sees - even though they can fly and he can't.

I don't see why dropped toast always has to land jam-side down.

I don't see why some people are luckier than others - or do we make our own luck?

I don't see what on earth I did before I owned an iPhone. Single most important thing. Keys and phone. With those I can leave the house: invincible.

I don't see why sometimes it feels like Christmas went from being a fun, cool time with my family to a retail-frenzied marathon. Need to watch 'Polar Express' and re-engage!

I don't see why high thread count sheets aren't made available by some wonderful, benevolent welfare state ;-) They promote well being. I jest; what a third world problem.

I don't see why I can't eat chocolate every day!


posted on: Tuesday, 6 November 2012

I've been thinking a lot. I guess this was bound to happen; I took a six month sabbatical in order to contemplate my navel, so what did I expect?!

This self-imposed self-regard may come across as banal to readers and I am acutely aware of that. Bear with me. I am taking the time to really think about the choices we have made in life and where they have taken us. People often comment that I think about stuff that most people just skip over. I can't help thinking; all the time thinking. An Olympian thinker.

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As a result of all of this thought, sometimes confusion rises up in me and I wonder where it came from? A complex and heady mix of upbringing, experience, values, self-awareness all converge and I want to come out fighting. Against what I am not sure! Should we have pursued such tough careers? Should money and the requirement to earn it outweigh the balance of pleasure and relaxation in life? When will it all be enough? Am I bringing up my children to strive for the whole exhausting rat-race in the same way as I did? What are these feelings I have, deep down, that make me wish for perfection? Even though I know it's not attainable?!

Bizarrely, despite the fact that my more recent choices (starting a new business, time off from the corporate world, new schools, big-time investment in making life purposeful and pleasurable) have been well-founded and beneficial, I am suffering I think, a confidence dip. This is perplexing and strange to me, but it is a fact nevertheless. Oh and not to mention: a third world problem.

What would I advise Boo to do? As frankly, when you have an eleven year old daughter almost every conversation turns into a life lesson; be it the purpose of modern democracy to the merits of wearing florals with stripes. I would tell her to believe in herself. To stay strong. To get on with it, shake it off, put it behind her - whatever 'it' was. So, that's what I am going to try to do. That, and to stop thinking so much!

via cape cod collegiate